I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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