we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
