one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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