i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize