i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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