Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
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Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
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Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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