Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
