She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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