Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
