I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
