i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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