Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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