Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
