Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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