even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
