Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
