quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
