He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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