omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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