In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
