I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
