I'm lost and stupid without you.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
