Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
