i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
