I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
