I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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