I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
