My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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