I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.