dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
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I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.