I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
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you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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