Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
