sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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