My first STD was from a foam party
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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