I wish my penis had an off switch
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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