I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
