he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
