I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
