a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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