I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
