I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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