I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
