I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize