tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
