The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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