you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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