you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
