College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
