I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
