Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
