I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
