Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
