This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
