I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
