sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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