So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
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Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
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Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship