he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.