My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
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is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
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My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.