just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
