I cockslap morals
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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