pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
